So, I am just over my 4 year New Leaf-aversary and (as with all relationships) I have pushed, pulled, laughed, cried and searched for who I am in this “we.”  Most of it has been the internal struggle of what I want to do vs. what I am doing and whether or not I even know for myself!  You know what I mean, especially when it comes to the “What do I want to be when I grow up?” tap on the shoulder.  Or, tap and then nudge and then shake on the shoulder.

How about some background first, yes?  I was asked to be a member of the company after performing in and choreographing As It Is in Heaven with New Leaf in 2005.  I had just moved to Chicago after graduating college and was excited to dive into the amazing theatre community I had heard so much about here.  I was fortunate to perform with many great companies over the past few years as well as continue to act “at home” with New Leaf. 

But, I had started to notice a trend in my mood with each show I did.  There was always this sort of sadness when we moved from rehearsal into tech….almost like that rock in your gut when camp or Christmas break was days from being over.  Especially when it was a literal move from church basement or park building to STAGE.  It was not as noticeable when working at New Leaf since we have the luxury of rehearsing in our performance space, but it was still there…..a storm of sorts, moving in.  After many talks (and, yes, a few drinks) with other actors and close friends of mine in the theatre, I started realizing that I enjoyed the process of creating a show more than I enjoyed the production.  I came to rehearsal with so much more energy than when I showed up for my call.  I hated to admit that maybe acting wasn’t what I should be doing anymore, but I knew that my heart was still there somewhere.  I knew that those moments of clicking into a character’s rhythm, discovering whole world’s in another actor’s glance or finally figuring out what the hell a scene was about just by giving it that one beat…those were the moments that drove the blood through my body.  So, how could I be a part of this?  How could I create, play and rehearse something and then somehow just let it loose?  It may not seem like the likely answer, but I thought I might try my hand at directing… something I hadn’t really done since college. 

I am lucky to have had a ton of support, not only from friends and family but within this incredible theatre community, once again.   The chances I have been given to learn, to fail, and to grow have been a blessing.  Directing has been a blessing.  I have embraced, devoured and loved it.

So, I am now gearing up to finally direct a full length production this spring with New Leaf! I am anxious and exhilarated.  I hope that you come see it.  In the meantime, I hope that you go see some other amazing shows in the city and that you continue to support other artists out there who are finding their footing, their place and what they want to be when they…..well, whenever they want to.